Doctor-Patient Privilege

October being my 65th birthday month and me feeling totally fit and rarin' to go (so to speak), I just made an appointment for my first colonoscopy.



I know, should have had one before, but better late than never. [I think. ] Meanwhile, I've got a month or so to come up with some good 'in the moment' zingers. Here's what I've got so far:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'



I welcome all contributions from the 'back alley' gang. But please . . .

Keep it clean!

By the time you get there - you probably won't have a sense of humor

You better open the door Doc, you're going to need a running start!

Put your left foot in. Put your left foot out.....
Do the Hokey Pokey...

Take a napsack with you and when the doc comes in, pull out a miner's helmet and hand it to him.

The procedure is easy. You will be so snowed on meds you won't even remember it. It is the prep that is the hard part. It's like drinking bad tasting water from a swimming pool. And it will clean EVERYTHING out of you, and quite possibly anyone within a 1/2 mile of you. I distinctly remember chugging down glass after glass of that stuff , and at a certain point would puke it back up into the sink. However, the drugs for the procedure are excellent! Was whacked out for the rest of the day.(legally)